Thursday, December 13, 2012

a wedding by another name.. would still be a PITA*

one "singh" to rule them all... one "room number" to find them "wedding" to bring them all.. and in "alcoholic stupor" bind them...
(sorry JRR...)

what do you get when you add the following:
1. four friends
2. minus three wives
3. a big fat "bhaiyya" wedding
4. veg food
5. a classified ad for an escort service
6. a pack of condoms
7. a jaguar (not the animal..)
8. three Sikh pagdis
9. a very serious threat to burn down a 5 start resort..
10. a bus ride by biji, where someone supposedly "touched" him...
11. and a very miniscule amount of alcohol ?
answer: 42. (sorry douglas adams)

After all the wanton destruction at the previous 3 weddings (biji,mine,suny)... it was but natural to "take this to a whole new level"...
or in the words of the single most influential literary group, criticz, " to boldly go where no man has gone before"...(sorry Rodenberry)

our dehi soujourn... led us to many startling discoveries...chief among which were:

1. though uullaass, claimed hes from delhi...("hence hes not a bhaiyya")..there was no concrete proof until recently. when the "intrepid four"... (comprising of the fearless foursome reporters shok,biji,suny n myself)...accompanied by camera woman menu.... chanced upon the origin of the "Mishra" clan... strategically located at the gate of the famous "jantar mantar" in delhi...
 in the words of Wikipedia..
"Mishra Yantra: The Mishra yantras were able to indicate when it was noon in various cities all over the world and was the only structure in the observatory not invented by Jai Singh II."

now its anybodys guess as to why the "misras" wanted to tell when it was noon in various cities all over the world... im guessing the wise king, jai singh, realised the stupidity of this project at the very outset.. and must have relegated it to the "Mishra" clan....

2. delhi runs on the 100 rs note..
at the wedding, all the "baraatis"...(members of the grooms family)...had to tie a traditional turban... obviously.. the four of us stood in line to get ours.. soon.. a couple of geriatrics badgered in.. and on account of our "tehzeeb"... we grudgingly obliged them.. and let them tie their turbans first...
20 mins and a whole cricket team later (im countin the playing 11.. reserves.. AND the water boy.. of ALL the teams in the IPL)...the line of these old timers who kept barging in...never seemed to stop! and to top it off.. a few of them kept slipping 100rs notes into the hands of the guy tying the turbans...

3. "yeh toh humari bachchi hai"...
the wedding fotographs... now theres a lovely indian tradition..where you stand in line.. to go up on stage...greet the newly weds and pose to take a snap with them... unfortunately, here too the wily "geriatric squad" barges in.. quoting the dialog of this para.. and skilfully elbow the "intrepid four" off the stage... I guess its now down to photoshop... to put the friends in the wedding album.

4. asking for veg pizzas.. can lead to a very graphic display of hairy and manly legs...
whats a "sangeet" without baccardi and non veg? the "intrepid foursome" decided to witness this gruesome scenario first hand..(ONLY for the reading pleasure of this blog)...
after many death defying starters and gut wrenching drinks....the lead investigator...suny... dared to ask a waiter for some veg pizzas..little did suny know that this particular waiter was a hidden spy of the "khandaani jain" gang. he immediately locked suny in an unbreakable "I love you" stare... and engaged him in a , man to man, barehanded, no holds barred, verbal and at times physical... display of his leg (he actually rolled up his trouser all the way upto his groin)... needless to say.. suny barely managed to escape with his pagdi intact.. as for his sexual orientation , further tests and results are awaited. we have nominated suny for the presidents bravery award.. for sacrificing his "future" for the sake of this investigative piece.

5. pagdi to the rescue...
this one is straight out of a Steven Spielberg production...a bunch of alien retards.. came asking for room rents... or else threatened to fry our brains...with a scifi device...that looked a lot like chillies and a lime.. coated in silver...(really? what were they thinking??)...we immediately donned our brain saving "pagdis"... and fought our way back to the airport...and left.. on a jet plane... (sorry Denver)

*PITA- pain in the ass

Tuesday, August 28, 2012

onashamsakal... onapookalam.. and all that jazz...

marriage is having a predictable effect on my psche...
sufficient enough to make me sit down with lakshmi.. for over 2 hrs.. and come up with this..
a celebration of onam.

Monday, August 20, 2012

who can say if this life is a reality or a dream?

Synopsis of "3-Iron" from Wiki

Tae-suk is a loner who drives around on his motorbike, taping takeout menus over the keyholes of front doors and breaking into apartments where the menus have not been removed. He lives in the apartments while the owners are away, even washing their clothes and mending broken appliances for them. When he breaks into one large home, he is unaware that he is being watched by an abused housewife Sun-hwa . Tae-suk leaves after he makes eye contact with Sun-haa, but returns after silently contemplating on the roadside. He witnesses Sunwha's husband abusing her and proceeds to catch his attention by practicing golf in the yard. He hits Sunwha's husband with golf balls and then leaves with Sun-hwa. The couple begin a silent relationship, moving from one apartment to another. At one home, after drinking, they are caught by the returning owners, sleeping in their bed and wearing their pajamas.
The couple gets into trouble with the law when they break into the home of an elderly man, who they discover to have died alone and proceed to give him a proper burial. When the man's son and daughter-in-law arrive at the apartment, they assume that Tae-suk and Sun-hwa killed him. They are interrogated at the police station but remain steadfastly silent; Sun-hwa's husband arrives and takes her back home. Despite an autopsy of the man revealing he died of lung cancer, and the great care that was shown in burying the Armsickle, Sun-hwa's husband bribes the policeman in charge of the investigation to allow him to similarly hit Tae-suk with golf balls. Tae-suk ends up attacking the police officer and is sent to jail, where he practices golf with an imaginary club and balls and develops his gifts for stealth and concealment (to the frustration of his jailers). After being released from prison, invisible to her husband's eyes, Tae-suk rejoins Sun-hwa in her house. Sun-hwa appears to say "I love you" to her husband, but reaches out for Tae-suk. Tae Suks skills involve staying out of his jailers line of sight and peripheral vision and he does this as he stays behind Sun Hwas husband, moving as he turns and grabbing food from the dinner table and kissing Sun Hwa over her husbands shoulder (seen in the poster) as he leaves on another business trip. After he leaves, Sun Hwa and him embrace, kissing deeply.
PS- the plot element used to end this story is unreal.. but still in a dream world..its poetic justice.

Monday, July 30, 2012

the dark scribe rises...

not to add to the brouhaha surrounding the trilogy's last installment...
but it is a fitting end to nolan's version of the dark knight of gotham.

a recent trip to mumbai.. catching up with frenz and drink... and mumbai's claim to fame..."upset tummy"..

through it all.. the recurrent theme*tyapa in college..
now, though it may sound dangerously similar to a 'five point someone'...
its still not.. and thankfully so.

finally to the point of this post.. was in toronto for a month.. and went to "wonderland"..
it is truly the paradise of roller coasters..
with ones that you sit in normally...

to ones that you lie down in...

to ones that you sit facing forward.. but move backward..

to ones that you stand in ....(see the pic.. yes.. stand and do the loop!)

to ones that drop you at an angle of 80 degrees, at a speed of 150kph.

and the best part, 90% of the rides were commissioned in the 80s and 90s!
so if a park like this can exist in canada back then, isnt it long overdue to have one in india now?
esselworld, wonderla and all other excuses in india... really pale in comparison to brands like the six flags,universal and others..

Monday, May 02, 2011


the alarm rings.. waking me at a time most others are enjoying their deepest sleep...
always the same 30 minutes, to shit, shower and shave...(necessarily in that order!)
the one hour ride to the airport, greedily consumed by some more sleep.
12 odd hours of duty, mind functioning more and more like an autopilot..
even adverse weather or poor flying skills fail to evoke a spark of interest.
the ride back home, another hour lost to sleep's cavernous appetite.
and again, its time to sleep, but sleep is now hard to find...
and just when the ticking of the clock lulls your senses...
your phone rings to inform you of the next day's routine...
midnight. perfect. a few hours more before the alarm rings again.

Monday, February 07, 2011

the "matured" copilot.

50 miles to dabolim,goa... 3000ft above a 3degree glide path...

(a few minutes pass...)
20 miles to goa...still 3000ft above the planned descent profile..
copilot: (wtf? what is he planning to do???)
captain: ....

10 miles to go.. STILL 3000 ft above descent profile..
copilot: captain.. slow down.. configure aircraft.. set flaps...set gear down...condition lever 100% deliberately giving u high rate of descent till 500AGL as its visual. pls jst follow FD bars...

2 miles to go....finally on glide path.. land safely into goa.

after getting back to blr..
captain: thanks rahul for the help.. u handled the situation very well.. in a very matured way.
copilot: .....

Monday, August 23, 2010

the day we went fishing...

this story is based on true events.. and any similarity to anyone living or dead.. is purely INTENTIONAL.

this story involves the following plot points/charactors:

1. an igloo tent
2. chilled beers
3. no ice cubes
4. an idiot who snores (and then blames on other unsuspecting by-sleepers)
5. flying insects..the size of ashok's nuts..(in retrospect.. not very large)
6. bouncing balls (n NO.. im not referring to biji here)
7. death defying stunts..(the kind involving 3 grown up men... thick ropes...tall trees...full bladders and frequent attempts at alternatively abusing/praying)
8. river rafting through rapids flowing faster than ashok runs..(which roughly translates into 0.5 kph at best)
9. 3 people taking a shower (NOT together).. and only 2 of the 3 using a soap/shampoo.( really ashok.. u shud have just asked!)
10. 1 retard who packed everything for the trip, except clean undies.. and ended up wearing a bright pink/green one.. borrowed from a person with a very questionable reputation.

Feel free to mix and match the above to come up with a suitable story...(preferably free of adult content. the 3 of us are HIGHLY unconfortable being the subject of someone else' gay fantasy).

for photographic evidence of the trip..pls visit..

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

my classroom, once every 6 months...

notice the projection screens outside the "cockpit windows" which display the runway (or any visual scenario) as required.
the computer screens in the foreground is where the instructor can control any aspect of the simulated flight. From failures to emergencies to hijacks to any bloody situation that a pilot might face.

Monday, April 19, 2010

The IPL circus..

in the midst of all the modi Vs tharoor brouhaha...i managed to get some time to go watch match no.43.. KKR against RCB.
was initially planning to watch it with pinto n frenz.. she had booked tickets worth 1100rs.
but since lakshmi was also comin along for the weekend.. tried my best to get 1 more ticket..but failed.
finally out of the blue.. ajay mama called rachu n offered 4 "whyte n mackay" corporate passes in the T stand at the stadium..(each pass is worth 28,000rs).

so there.. the 4 of us.. rachu,radha,me n lakshmi.. dressed in RCB gear.. watched the match.
(in brief: RCB beat KKR comprehensively tat nite!!)

this post is not abt the match, but abt the experience of watching the match from the corp. box..
1. the attached restaurant had unlimited free alcohol and food.
2. the seats had a very good view of the pitch and the whole stadium.. we sat just above the RCB dugout.
3. sponsors of the match kept giving out freebies like trumpets, hand held banners,inflatable zoozoos (vodafone) etc..
4. there were huge fans and a tv screen placed strategically within the box.. ensuring it wasnt too hot and we got a better view of "Action replays" during 3rd umpire decisions...

the life of the rich n famous, at times, can be very enviable..
the pre match warm up+pitch report

the attached restaurant 

radha cheerin with a "zoozoo"

 Heineken shades + kingfisher trumpet + "zoozoo the ghost" :))


Friday, April 16, 2010

the night i went to JAIL...

i had recently gone home for a day to mumbai..
Since rachu n radha were there too.. i decided all of us cousins should head out for dinner..
so.. me,adin, priya,rahul saiyya,rachu n radha.. decided to go this new themed restaurant near Andheri RTO.

once there, we were genuinely impressed with the ambience and the theme.. and prayed that the food/drinks too would be upto the mark.

adin, had just recently cleared his recent semester exams with a great score and i encouraged him to join us in the drinking. And so it was that adin had his first alcoholic drink with me.

now my parents and priya's parents were in delhi for a tour, and as expected my mom messaged adin at around 10pm.." has that brother of yours come back home? call him and ask him not to stay out with his frenz all night".

adin, already high, passed his phone onto priya and rahul, who promptly replied back saying "rahul is in jail".

after about 20 mins, rahul saiyya gets a call from priya's dad " rahul, we just got this sms saying that rahul is in jail. whats going on? everyone is upset here"

to make a long story short: everyone had believed that I was in jail.. goes to show everyone thinks i am capable of ending up in a jail.

after a lot of apologising and explaining, we managed to calm our parents down.

the next facebk status had "i went to jail n back"... and once again.. all my frenz blived a cock n bull story about me gettting drunk and abusing a plain clothed policeman while he was stopping me from urinating by the roadside....thus in their words " i had accomplished what nobody else in the gang had done".

oh, wait.. you guys are wondering where the "jail" part figures in the middle of all this.. right?

the themed restaurant we went to was called "JAIL".. complete with holding cells to eat in...waiters and servers dressed as cops/robbers/prisoners...props like an old police jeep/van...handcuffs...posters of famous/infamous bollywood villains...etc etc lying around...